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"So do not weaken and do not grieve, and you will be superior if you are [true] believers."Ali-Imran:139


Walls // December 9, 2018
12:56 PM

Dear you,

She's afraid of almost everything.

She's afraid to sleep in the dark. But now, bright lights suffocates her.

She's afraid of being alone but she loves her personal space.

She seems simple to read, easy to digest and open to anything. 

But, you'll find her difficult to deal with. You will give up and move on.

She feared that so much so she build her walls so high and concrete. 

Her walls are so high that it reached to the point she became comfortable living within the zone.

She refused to be reckless and let anyone in.

Surprise,surprise,

She let someone in. It was you.

She opened the door and unlock it herself. She's waiting for you. 

She's trying her best to destroy the wall, to allow you to stay and draw your path.

It was not an easy journey. There were a lot of bumps and confusing directions.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, years.

You lost your way and gave up. 

You let yourself out. Gone.

The walls are broken and there were traces of you. Everywhere.

She was lost. Too

Lost in her way to find you.

Now, she will build the walls back. Stronger than before. 

Will she let anyone in? 

Will the door will be opened again?

Who knows.

Thank you, next.



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Words //
12:20 PM

Why is it so hard to write nowadays? 

Type. Backspace. Type. Backspace.

It was so easy back then. I just randomly wrote what's on my mind and how I felt. I narrated almost everything in this space though no one cares. My writing used to be cheesy (istg I almost puke when I reread them) and immature but they were pure and honest. It seems that my preteen self was so carefree and fearless. My words flowed easily just like the years went by.

Now, they are gone. Perhaps, I care so much on 'what if' (s), the consequence, judgment, possible hatred etc. Most importantly, will I regret?

Another thing is procrastination. *sigh

My current self is so malas that I think the 15 years old nadwa who was so passionate about writing and believes in spreading positive vibes through words will be disappointed.  

Growing up, I found myself hiding so much of myself from the world. I rarely tweeted my honest thoughts like I used to do. I uploaded captionless pictures on my Instagram.

I wonder why. What's stopping me? What's holding me back? Where's my passion? 

18 y/o me who thinks rm800 is a lot


Rindu.

I'm missing the old me who loves to write, read and share what makes her world bright.


This is not the direction that I'm aiming for when I started writing this. Oh dear. 






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Dear S, // November 26, 2018
12:12 AM
"Tulis la blog balik" S, 2018

Dear S,

How are you today?
April 2014


Aku dah tulis satu perenggan sebenarnya tapi aku padam because too cheesy and it's cheesier than you. 

As bengong as we're supposed to be (seperti selalu), we were talking about what should I buy for you ( yes no surprise what is surprise) blabla then kau cakap 'tulis la blog balik'.

October 2014

Percayalah, bahawasanya aku rindu menulis. Expressing myself through words. To people who do not or may not know me personally. As time goes by, I've lost that spirit. I guess adulthood brings me to somewhere cold and dark sometimes which cause me to stop expressing the hidden (or pending) thoughts in my mind.

So D, this is birthday/appreciation post for you. Thank you trigger aku to write. 

May 2015

Deng,

I love you so much (just bear with my pondan-ness pls dont complaint).
You are so beautiful. I am not talking about your face (muka kau cantik no worries, aku kawan dengan perempuan cantik je you can check). I am talking about your smile, your personality and your heart. Kau paham tak kalau kau senyum satu dunia ni becomes brighter ( even at night i'm not exaggerating). I think it's because you smile sincerely and it comes from your heart. #smizing 

September 2015

Bb,
I know you are and (maybe still) going through difficult phase in your life.
I felt so helpless to just sit here and do nothing to ease your pain. All I can do is (maybe) to listen.
So, talk to me, to us anytime honey. 

We really miss your smile. Your brighter-than-the-sun smile.


March 2016



Take your time sweetheart. You shall find your peace soon. Jangan putus asa. 

The winner of this battle is always you.

May 2016


Ok enough with the motivational speech or wtv you wanna call it idk.

Deng,
Age is nothing but just a number ni phrase yang kita apply bila dah 30an k.
Now you are officially 23 years old. 
Does the number represent how old you are or how many times may left for you to continue your journey?

It's all up to you to decide.

Ketahuilah yang kita punya hak untuk tentukan apa yang kita mahu and apa yang kita nak pilih.

Kalau kau nak A, kau usaha untuk dapat A. Kalau kau taknak B, kau usaha supaya tak dapat B.

Yang penting kita jangan buat kerja tuhan.

Bila keyakinan kau seratus peratus dengan Dia, inshaallah dapat tak dapat apa yang kita nak bukan our biggest concern dah.

It's hard I know but let's try ok :)

My prayers is always with you. I am always ready to hype you up kau tak mintak pun aku buat. 

November 2017

Mhmm semoga lebih mesra haiwan or environment friendly.


December 2017

You'll always be my queen, my diva dada. 

All the best with your life as pupil-in-chamber. Semoga tujuh tahun akan datang duduk sama rendah berdiri sama tinggi dengan abejai abebir and yang seangkatan dengannya hiks.

Have a nice day. As always.

Happy birthday Shida.
July 2018

Love,
D



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